I need to get out and do something soon. I need to get my hands dirty. I miss the garage. I miss my DAFs. I miss shooting my guns. I miss hanging out with my brother. I want to get some more cars and guns. I want college to be over… so I can get a job and live the dream I live in my head every minute of every day. I want to build something. I want to build a cob extension on a house. I want to build my garage. I want to live happily with my girlfriend Kymmie and marry her and include her in everything. Even my petty dreams. That’s how I know she’s the one. I want a gazebo and kids. ugh I know I sound materialistic and a clingy loser, and I know that money and things can’t bring me happiness. I don’t know… I guess I am just ranting.

Me and anthony got accused of plagiarizing each other on our first lab report we turned in for ME301. He zeroed our grades. It alone is worth 15% of our final grade. We might go through a contesting process and hearing with the Faculty Senate’s Academic Integrity Committee to maybe get them back. I mean come on!! WE WERE LAB PARTNERS! We worked together on the whole report bouncing ideas off each other and concepts 5 feet from each other the whole time! Tried explaining that and he didn’t really care. Going to the committee is putting everything on the line, though; the punishment can get worse after the hearing if we don’t just accept the zero. Luckily he won’t take circumstances into account but the senate committee will. Bullshit… its been on my mind all last weekend (found out Friday at about 4:45). Ugh. College life has been getting to me some. Some day’s it’s really enjoyable, but many I feel like I’m on a camp breeding engineers. Most of the professors are genious assholes who are really here for funding for their research (or just genuine dickheads), and really so are many of the students. :/ some are cool though. I went to my first party here Saturday. It was really just a chill get-together but with 20 people maybe and drinks. Everyone was grad students but us, and they told us they only made it through Clarkson by drinking haha. Everyone says “Clarkson is insane why go there” but you know, that’s why Clarkson has a name. If you make it through Clarkson, you are smart, most definitely, but you’re dedicated most of all. You don’t need to bat a 400 to get through here, but doing your best will. And employers know what you went through to get out. But its hard on the mind. The homework is hard, and merciless…never ending. I’m up late every night doing assignments. The classes are hard and the teachers are hard…some mean, some hard to learn from. The books are hard. The material is hard. I’m persisting though. I miss my girlfriend…A LOT. I miss my family. I miss Kingston. I miss Professor Plumb and Ulster. I really wish he could have taught a four year degree… He prepared us well though. Bless him. I also miss the chef from Ulster, and oddly I miss the commute. But hey… I guess I’m building the foundations of my life right now. Unfortunately I’m stuck with my professor for ME301 for another two more semesters too :(. Ugh. Bastard. I’m no cheater…I’ve never cheated on anything for school in my life. :/

So exhausted, Wish this schoolwork would end. I wish I could crawl into bed with Kymmie and cuddle and make her feel better too but I’m 5.5 hours away. I’ll see her in a few weeks again, and then again in another month. This long distance is hard. I made a silly comment about the distance and hurt Kymmie’s feelings accidentally and I feel pretty bad about it and I think she’s still hurt by it but I hope it’ll go over soon. For now I’ll keep cuddling with Missy the Misfit elephant she is letting me borrow at night, which helps so much, like she cuddles with my pillow from home, which helps so much. I love her so much, I hate seeing her down in the dumps. It puts me down too :( and sometimes I try too hard to help I think and mess up :’(. I’d take a bullet for her. I hope she’s sleeping well right now. Love you, Kymmie. Night :*

A recent update on me!

Well. I bought a new car, for one! If you haven’t heard, in late October my Saab shit to bed, which is fairly close to my return to the US which was mid-September. I was flat broke. My distrust of shops led me to buy a used car in a person-to-person deal, and I bought a 2001 Isuzu Vehicross. Awesome car, and I love it. Got a great deal on a loan. Very good shape. BUT, by late January, without getting into technical details (which I can), the transmission failed, and there was no way I, nor the previous owner, could have known. So I am FUCKED. On 2/22/13 I bought a 1994 Saturn SL1 for $800. Needed a battery ($65), and registration and plate renewal (which I decided to do then too, $105), gas for my buddy who helped me out ($35), floor mats and seat covers ($30); I’m not too far into it. Averaged 31.56mpg when I filled up on the 27th! Love that! I hope I get some good time out of this one. 19 and it has been my 6th car UGH. Well, I still own four hahaha. I still plan on fixing the Isuzu. The guy I want to do it will have a new shop back at his house (he is retiring) and will be doing side work by April and much cheaper, so I’ll have him do it.

Kymmie and I were two months together back on the 25th <333 She is so wonderful! I really am lucky she likes me back because I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have gotten away with half the shit I say and do hahaha (I love you don’t kill me :) <3, hahaha)

Getting really tired of this nasty weather. One, I found out for the hard way I need to silicone my door seal gasket on the Saturn when I sat on a wet seat and got my dress clothes for work all wet! Also, I want to drive my DAF again! I want to roll the windows down and drive and not be freezing cold getting into bed and be able to feel my fingers working on cars and hike with Kymmie and hear the birds outside and wear short sleeve shirts again! AHHHH,

Just had to fix Firefox on my computer after an update? Took me a little bit but googleing it ended up being hardware acceleration? Weird. Idk. Working fine again and all my addons too. WHATEVER haha.

Lots of new phones coming out. Debating whether or not by the time I pay off my cash advance on the Saturn I should get a new one. My ATRIX had held up well, but recently since I broke my power button I’m tired of holding my charger everywhere. My stepdad has an upgrade but I think I’m going to wait for mine in April. Samsung is releasing some killer phones that is just mind boggling how fast and reliable they are. My 1st gen atrix is getting a little slow. I’m jealous still of my friends gf’s Razr M even though samsung is outclassing it slowly by now. I still like Motorola but, whatever haha. Just no piece of garbage Apple products.

Saw a movie with Andrew, Brooke, and Kymmie yesterday. I actually really liked it :) Silver Lining Playbook or something. Dunno why but I though it was very good!

Really anxious about transferring colleges. My school is being way to relaxed on sending my transcripts, I just found out today. So pissed. Clarkson emailed me saying they only received my recommendation letters and nothing else, but weeks ago I turned in those applications. UGH gotta go break some faces in the Registrars office.

Helped fix Anthony’s headlight issue tonight. We tried doing the ignition on my Saturn but somehow we could not get it out. I’m actually quite agitated about it.

Been very relaxed on tumblr lately :/. I’ve been pretty busy. My queue is almost drained D: UGH.

That’s it for now, I guess. Toodleioodles! (I just said that, Kymmie :P)

Ugh.

So I am probably not picking up my car tomorrow. And of course because of how the port works I am getting charged for every day due to their procedure I cannot legally pick the car up for, which is bullshit. So not only do I legally have to wait, I am charged daily for their storage. I am swamped with a never ending sea of homework, and mostly tough homework at that. My daily driving car is running like shit. Shitty enough that I don’t think it will pass inspection and I am already almost two months overdue. I also can’t afford to fix it because I am now almost penniless after my euro-trip. Still lonely and single. I basically have no life outside anything school and job based due to the game of catchup I am doing.

The summation of all this is just leaving me with this nearly nonstop intense feeling of anxiety. I feel like im just gonna fail everything when im in a bad mood and that just makes it worse. I mean, ill eventually catch up, and ill eventually pay off my credit card and have spending money again once I get some money rolling in, but it will be a while. I feel like I have been back a while but really its only been 9 or 10 days. In to reality already, I guess. Of course too when I return a coworker took disability leave and I have to work double at work, plus the double im doing to catch up in school.

It just all sucks. I wish I had my car that I spent $4000 on and wasn’t getting dicked around by fucking incompetent assholes ruining everything, and I wish I had a car that was easier to work on. Im gonna get an old car as a daily driver after this Saab. I feel like even though it wont get as much mileage at least I can work on most things that go wrong with it. My restoration project has gotten nowhere fast.

Now that my rant is over you may continue tumbling lol. Sorry.

One of the most amazing days :D

Work was nice and slow, hung out with my friends all night had an ostrich egg omelet (and yes it was amazing, with curry powder and sausage, onions and cheese), watched the movie Paul again, went out for ice cream, play Quao, and just an overall great time.

Phew I needed that. Thanks guys :)

People should message me today cause im super tired, and super unmotivated at work.

Good weekend outlook though!!!!

So, don’t expect reconciliation.

I don’t usually write about myself on here, but here we go:

There is one thing that I’m not sure if I like about myself, and when people find out about it they hate me. I find that I hold grudges. When I tell people about them, they say it will wear off, but you know what… they don’t. Granted in order to irk me one must really, really, REALLY get to me. Most people cannot even begin to fathom the amount of patience I have. Really. But, when I am brought overboard: it’s over, and there is nothing s/he can do about it. I can distinctively remember forming a specific hatred for an individual when I was 12 years old, and I still — underneath everything — hate them. Absolutely hate them. And no, I don’t fake kindness; it’s just really hard for me to be an asshole. I’m not so sure it’s a good thing, but I don’t plan on changing anything anytime soon. I don’t just hate somebody for no reason. I was brought to that point.

So, don’t expect reconciliation.